So, it’s official: I work with two of the dumbest people on the planet.
I don’t even know where to begin. So one of them is a goofy guy I’ll call “Hunter” (more on him in a future post, no doubt) and the other one (I’ll call him “Junior”) is, well, he’s most likely just a tiny-dicked gun nut. They both are, but Hunter at least makes an attempt at using his weapon to acquire some kind of food for his family.
Anyway, Junior clearly has issues with his, ahem, masculinity. And he’s a follower. He listens to that idiot Rover on the radio and takes every single word as the gospel truth. Or if it was on gizmodo. Basically, anything written on the internet or said on the radio is 100% true – as long as he agrees with it.
And the last several weeks, like most of the rest of America, the subject of guns comes up. A lot. And I’m really anti-gun. I know a lot of people, and I think the number of people who I believe to be responsible enough to own a handgun could be counted on one hand. But I also understand the Second Amendment, although I disagree with the way the tiny dick gun lobby, A.K.A. the National Rifle Association, interprets it.
Now several months ago, Junior was blathering on about how he was taking (or going to be taking, it’s hard to tell) a CCW course, so he could get his CCW and start carrying a gun wherever he goes.
This, my friends, is the worst idea since Greedo shooting first.
Just to give you an idea of what we’re dealing with here, this is a guy who, back when the iPhones were first introduced, ordered one on ebay. Now the fine print on the auction was something to the extent of, “works with most providers.” And, what do you know, but it didn’t work with his. So, he did what any of us would do, he sent off an email to the seller, to arrange to return the phone. And when he hadn’t received a response in 15 minutes, he was ready to drive to a neighboring state and beat the seller with a hammer (I’m not making up or exaggerating that part: he wanted to beat the man with a hammer) for not only selling him a phone which he couldn’t use (not the sellers fault), but for “DISRESPECTING” him by not responding instantly. Actually, “DISRESPECTING” comes up quite a lot, whenever he feels that any person is not showing him the correct amount of attention, i.e. giving him exactly what he wants right when he wants it, regardless of right or wrong.
Basically, we’re dealing with someone who has no concept of patience whatsoever. As well as some pretty clear anger and temper issues.
So all we’re hearing, day in and day out now, is how the government is going to take away ALL the guns, and that’s illegal, and how can they do that, and blah blah blah. But the thing is, he never, ever says it to me. Because he’s ALWAYS wrong, and he knows that, and he knows that I know that. So he tells this shit to the dept. supervisor, who is actually quite smart. And the dept. supervisor usually knows it’s horseshit, or he’ll sometimes come and ask me what I know about it, and we tend to have a laugh about how incredibly fucking stupid these two guys are.
And on, I guess Wednesday, when that shithead walked into the high school in California and shot a couple of people, I happened to mention that there had just been yet another school shooting. It took all of 5 minutes for him to come over to inform me, “that shooter used a shotgun.” As if to say, “see? it wasn’t an assault weapon or a gun with an extended clip, etc…” My response was: “I don’t care what it was. It was more gun violence.” Which obviously wasn’t the response he was looking for, since he just looked at me and walked away. And then spent the rest of the afternoon doing his masturbatory gun talk in a much more subdued voice.
Which means, basically, that he and Hunter stood in one corner or another sucking on their cute little e-cigarettes (they smell, depending on the day, like either cotton candy or cinnamon. Seriously?), filling the air with little puffs of white smoke and filling the room with stupidity.
I am reasonably certain that this will not be the last time you hear about them.